“Set a standard of mutual respect and dignity; control anger.
"When angry at a colleague, Lincoln would fling off what he called a 'hot' letter, releasing all his pent wrath. He would then put the letter aside until he cooled down and could attend the matter with a clearer eye. When Lincoln’s papers were opened at the turn of the twentieth century, historians discovered a raft of such letters, with Lincoln’s notation underneath; 'never sent and never signed.' Such forbearance set an example for the team. One evening, Lincoln listened as Stanton worked himself into a fury against one of the generals. 'I would like to tell him what I think of him,' Stanton stormed, 'Why don’t you,' suggested Lincoln. 'Write it all down.' When Stanton finished the letter, he returned and read it to the president. 'Capital,' Lincoln said. 'Now, Stanton, what are you going to do about it?''‘Why, send it of course!' 'I wouldn’t,' said the president. 'Throw it in the waste-paper basket.' 'But it took me two days to write.' 'Yes, yes and it did you ever so much good. You feel better now. That is all that is necessary. Just throw it in the basket.' And after some additional grumbling, Stanton did just that.
"Not only would Lincoln hold back until his own anger subsided and counsel others to do likewise, he would readily forgive intemperate public attacks on himself. When an unflattering letter Blair had written about Lincoln in the early days of the war unexpectedly surfaced in the press months later, the embarrassed Blair carried the letter to the White House and offered to resign. Lincoln told him he had no intention of reading it, nor any desire to exact retribution. 'Forget it,' he said, '& never mention or think of it again.' "